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If you are feeling sad, tired, fussy, irritable or just plain down, try to get more sleep. Remember, it is your baby's job to learn to put himself to sleep, your are there to help him, not to do it for him. He's a smart little fellow and he'll figure it out. It might take a bit of crying, but he can do it. If you can relax and get enough good sleep for yourself, you'll feel a lot better.
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TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER THE BABY ARRIVES
When
you have a baby, people say it’s
the most wonderful time in your life; you must be so happy.
Most of the time you are, but you may also
experience a whole range of other emotions:
insecurity, sadness, confusion, or anxiety.
You may say to yourself, ”No
one ever told me it was going to be like this.”
Everyone pays attention to the baby and no one pays attention to you. This
little baby seems to suck the life out of you.
You might think, “Where’s the baby I imagined? 9 months old, clapping
her hands and smiling? This isn’t what I thought it would be."
Try not to worry: these feelings are quite
normal. After all, it’s a major
life event to have a baby. Usually those feelings of being overwhelmed and
tearful are a result
of being overtired, of not getting enough sleep and of your body’s own
hormonal adjustment. Sometimes it is difficult to know what is really causing your distress. It may be that your baby is hard to console and soothe and that alone makes you feel anxious.
Within about 2 weeks these “baby blues” should lift and you should begin to feel better.
But what happens if you don’t feel better?
Perhaps you are crying more than your baby
or putting on a happy face for everyone except
yourself.
For any number of reasons, the baby blues
don’t seem to lift for some
women: sometimes, symptoms worsen. Unfortunately there is no one single cause.
You might wonder, “Could this be what is called postpartum depression?” How would you know?
It’s important to realize that about
10-20% women can experience postpartum depression
in the first year after giving birth, and
not just mothers: fathers, too,
can become exhausted, worried, sleep deprived, or anxious. Families who adopt
a baby may experience similar symptoms and wonder how this could have happened
when it seems like their dreams have just come true.
Having negative thoughts tends to make new mothers feel guilty and this can
be the beginning of a difficult cycle. So watch yourself carefully, learn to
listen to your thoughts.
You might be asking yourself, “Will
I ever feel normal again?”
The symptoms of postpartum depression are usually an increase in intensity
and frequency of the baby blues: crying, mood swings, anxiety, worry, irritability
or loneliness. What frightens mothers most are unwanted thoughts of either
harming themselves or their baby.
Why does this happen? Postpartum depression
may be triggered by the body’s
hormonal shifts after delivery, a woman’s previous history of depression
or mood disorder, or the difficulty and stress of one’s current situation;
and, of course, exhaustion: not being able to sleep even when the baby sleeps.
That’s very hard on the body and one’s ability to cope. Other factors can be a difficult
birthing experience or concerns about the health of the baby.
A baby who cries and is hard to comfort and console can exhaust parents and actually make you feel more depressed.
If you should experience symptoms of postpartum depression or mood disturbance,
try not to blame yourself. It is important that you telephone your doctor,
childbirth educator or Public Health nurse; someone you trust, who can see
that you get help.
Postpartum depression can be successfully treated a number of different ways.
Sometimes, talking is all that is needed for mild symptoms: a good therapist,
nurse
or doctor can be a wonderful resource. When sleep disturbances or ongoing negative,
unwanted or frightening thoughts are the issue, medications can be used safely
and successfully. But a good assessment of one’s symptoms is necessary.
And of course, one wants to be careful if a mother is breastfeeding. There
are medications that can
be used safely, but it is important to work closely with one’s physician.
Another question families often ask is, “Can
postpartum mood disorders affect babies and
children?"
Yes, babies and children need the attention, nurturing and care of their parents.
When a mother is preoccupied, distracted or overly anxious, she may misjudge
the needs and of her baby. Fathers and family members can be of
great support especially when they remember that the mother’s moods, her hormonal
adjustments and her possible depressive symptoms are not always under her control. If a woman suffers from a postpartum mood disorder, it is not her fault. It
is very important not to cast blame.
It might help to remember that your baby is trying to communicate with you
as much
as you are with him or her.
Her crying may be saying, “Just put me down and let me relax.’ Or, “Stop
jiggling me
so much, I am going to be fine.” Or his fussiness might be saying, “Look
at me, I’m awake and I want someone to look into my eyes and talk to me.”
Feeling over stimulated and overwhelmed is something mothers, fathers and babies
can each feel – sometimes all at the same time! Family members and friendly
support can sometimes be too much. Everyone wants to hold your baby and you
suddenly
feel very protective. You might say to yourself: “I don’t want anyone else to touch
my baby.”
This is often a normal reaction; remember, your baby needs you to help keep
him safe.
Learning to trust yourself as a new parent
is really what it’s all about.
Your role has changed and will continue to change. Your relationship with yourself
and with your partner may change, sometimes dramatically. Or you might be a
single parent, and really on your own.
Learn to listen to yourself and seek wise counsel. Ask questions. Try not to
judge yourself or others. With timely, good, appropriate care, women and families
can see their experience as an opportunity for enriched communication. Woman
to woman, father to father, family to family, we reach our and help one another.
Meredith Baker ©2004
OVERCOMING THE BABY BLUES
Baby Blues occur in
50 - 80% of new mothers They usually start
on the second or third day after the birth
and can last for some time. Symptoms include:
Crying spells, mood swings, anxiety, loneliness,
decreased sex drive, worry about
baby, lack of confidence in mothering ability
WHAT TO DO
While waiting for the blues to pass, you'll
feel better if you take the following steps:
Rest - Get help with the chores,
or let them go for now. Lie down and rest
or sleep when the baby sleeps.
Play - Plan frequent outings with
the baby, or ask some someone to babysite
while you go shopping, take a walk, attend
excerise class or dine out with your partner.
Eat Well - Include plenty of whole
grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and
protein rich foods, such as fish, chicken,
beef, cheese and beans.
Seek Support - Tell your partner how
you feel and ask for his help and support.
Join a new mother's group, or get to know
other new mothers at your church or workplace.
Trust Yourself - Remember, even without
experience, most parents do what's right
for their baby.
Postpartum depression (PPD) occurs in about
10 - 20 % of new mothers. It may start
as early as the second or third postpartum
day, or take several weeks to develop.
Many of the symptoms of baby blues arepresent,
but they are more intense.
Other symptoms include:
Loss of appetite, feelings of helplessness
or loss of control, overconcern or no concern
at all about baby, dislike or fear of touching
baby, frightening thoughts about baby,
little or no concern about own appearance,
inability to sleep even when baby sleeps.
WHAT TO DO
Tell your doctor, childbirth educator,
or public health nurse how you feel. When
caught early, PPD can be cured with medication
and counseling. If the depression is severe
or if treatment is delayed, a temporary
hospitalization might also be necessary.
Please call our WELCOME BABY! Warm line,
360-419-3324 and request a house visit
to help you sort out what's going on.
Web Site to Visit:
"Depression
After Delivery" web site offers
more information and support.
Here is a website for post partum mood disorder support in Washington. http://www.ppmdsupport.com
This is a list of books from that website that you might find helpful:
Mothering Without a Map: The Search for the Good Mother Within by Kathryn Black, 2005
Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel, Mary Hartzell, 2004
Postpartum Psychiatric Illness: A Picture Puzzle by James Alexander Hamilton and Patricia Neel Harberger 1992
Becoming Parents: How to Strengthen Your Marriage As Your Family Grows by Pamela L. Jordan, Scott M. Stanley and Howard J. Markman 1999
Beyond the Blues: Prenatal and Postpartum Depression by Shoshana Bennett and Pec Indman 2002
This Isn't What I Expected by Karen Kleiman and Valerie Raskin 1994
Women's Moods by Deborah Sichel and Jeanne Watson Driscoll 1999
The Postpartum Husband by Karen Kleiman 2000
Postpartum Survival Guide by Ann Dunnewold and Diane Sanford 1994
Shouldn't I Be Happy? by Shaila Misri 1995
Sleepless Days: One Woman's Journey Through Postpartum Depression
by Susan Resnick 2000
Postpartum Mood Disorders by Laura J. Miller 1999
Mother Nurture by Rick Hanson, Jan Hanson and Ricki Pollycove 2002
Fatherneed by Kyle D. Pruett 2000
Mothering the New Mother by Sally Placksin 2000
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